Monday, 5 September 2011
CAN LOVE EVER BE ENOUGH???
Have you ever wondered why some relationships don't get past the second date despite the first date was so romantic? Have you ever wondered why two perfect beautiful couples suddenly go separate ways even when they seem so happy?
Trust me, it is never intentional but there are just some factors that people tend to overlook or perhaps, believe that love can conquer it all. While some have survived the storm, others have been drowned. Others however just chicken out. Whichever way, it boils down to the ugly truth that love is never enough to make a stable relationship. While it is the strongest rudiment, it is also the most ignored fact when other factors show up.
These factors if not confronted usually result to misunderstanding which eventually leads to break-ups.
When in love, it's so easy to ignore some salient issues such as career choice, family opinions, social class, etc. This usually occurs in the first date.
At first meeting, we are attracted to the opposite sex based on our romantic needs.
We are swooned by the strong waves of love and nothing else matters at the moment apart from love. All you want to do is support him/her, you dismiss other priorities in your life but focus in love.
I would like to call this the first stage in a relationship. It is characterized by one's focus on romantic and sexual needs that can be derived from the other partner. One tends to focus on the short-term gains such as sexual gratification, fantasy marriage, emotional support and physical attraction.
When this first stage finally takes a bow, and the curtains drawn, one begins to ponder if the audience actually enjoyed the show. Other relevant issues begins to rear up.
Suppose he comes from a very poor background and you are from a rich background, you begin to wonder, what will be the reaction of your family when you bring him/her home. Will they accept him/her like you did or probably knock your head until you regain your senses back?
If you are lucky, your parents could be supportive and lend a helping hand, but do be on the lookout for some insults at the slightest confrontation.
You may decide to be stubborn and go ahead with the relationship. You really don't mind paying the rent and other utility bills. Then all of a sudden, while hanging out with your girlfriends, they ask you about your man, what is he doing, why is he always hanging out at the salon, where is he taking you this holiday, oh can you bring him over to the new joint(and we all know the man ends up paying for the drinks and chips). Worse, they babble about the exotic places their man has taken them to, show you the lovely presents they bought for them.
You go home feeling so miserable and annoyed especially if you meet him in the sitting room watching football, dishes undone and tap running in the bathroom. You will scream the hell out of him, remind him of how you work your butt off just to take care of the bills. On and on you rant while he looks at you quizzically. And poor him, he doesn't have a clue of what the problem really is.
You finally succeed in driving him out of the house to a bar and though he hopes to meet you in a lighter mood when he gets back but he will be very devastated when he returns because you will still be sulky. In fact, the "I'm tired of this" mode has just being activated.
The ladies suffer the same. When he goes on social functions and his colleagues keep talking about how their wives help financially or their latest jobs, he keeps mute or excuse himself to use the gents. God help you if you decide to ask for a new trinket or blanket that night. He will definitely remind you of your pathetic state. Even the tears you cry won't help out. Tonight, he is done with the burden of catering for you alone. He needs your support and you just have to start taking care of your demands. He storms out of the house angrily.
After much sobbing and reflection, you wash up, dress up in your best lingerie, hoping that your seduction plan will work because you really need that trinket to show off in the next women's meeting in the church or your neighbourhood.
At the creaking sound of the door, you quickly jump into bed, poise in a seductive way, exposing a bit of some juicy apples, brush your hair one more time to ensure it has that sexy allure, lastly apply Victoria Secret lipstick to give your lips that sweet and juicy taste. You count how many minutes it will take him to get to the bedroom.
Minutes turn to hours, yet no sign of him, no sound either. You keep on waiting until the air-conditioned room suddenly becomes too hot.
In your frustration, you set out to look for him only to find him in the sitting room slumped in couch snoring loudly. And there goes your well-laid plan.
While we wish to fall in love and marry that perfect man or woman of our dreams, one cannot drown social expectations from our loved ones and the society at large.
It is very easy to fall in love and shun society demands but, and this is a big BUT....can you survive the storm in the long run? Can you really not care when you can't visit home during long vacations or take your children to see your parents because you are afraid one of them will snort and tell your children that their parents was a match made in hell?
Can you avoid the nosy neighbor in the supermarket who tells everyone that you are such a disgusting excuse for being a man because your wife works while you lay in bed all day?
Can you ignore the embarrassing looks and whispers of your girlfriends when your man can't pay for their drinks in a bar?
Can you gladly pose with your wretched husband for a classic magazine cover?
Can you still say "I love you" after all these?
It is advisable that before one makes a lifetime commitment, the couple should endeavor that they have the necessary capacity to cushion these social expectations. While romance and all its eccentricities can make you jump into the marriage wagon, be sure that you have enough fuel to keep it burning.
On a more specific basis, love is never enough to make a relationship work or last. One need to be witty as well when making decisions in relationships, especially those leading to marriages.
One has to weigh the pros and cons to ensure that they are on the right track.
It is wiser to end a date before it develops into a real relationship than to grumble and wallow in self-pity in marriage.
Love can only be complete when two individuals decide to stay together, stronger and tougher when the storm blows.
The writer is a graduate of the Nigerian Institute of Journalism in Lagos, a blogger and freelance writer.