Monday, 16 July 2012


Dear diary,

There's something about casanovas that I've not been able to wrap my finger around on. Something about the way they waltz into a woman's life and turn her brains inside out, and dance out of her life still leaving her brains inside out.

How they do it, I can't really say, irrespective of their looks or age. And whatever charm they use, it takes a long while before it rubs off.

Just like the one sitting in front of me, Tony. I knew he was a player. It wasn't hard for me to tell he was-with the gold necklace glued to his neck, sexy smile, the arrogant air that surrounds him and the sugary words that flows out of his lips-he oozes sexuality like an angry fountain.

Why I always get involved with them, I can't really tell myself. I wonder if there is a sign on my forehead that reads: "Hey all ye players, I'm up for grabs!!!"

After my painful break-up with Chris, I promised myself I will never fall in love with his kind. But here I am, on the verge of repeating same mistake.

But I have to give kudos to all casanovas out there. I don't know how they do it but they really live up to their title. From the sweet-coated words that flows out of their lips to the charming way they get you in bed, you have to give them a thumbs up for the whole acting.

It is quite weird you know how they will go through that stress of making you happy and then dump you like you never really matter to them. Just like Chris did to me...

It all started with a simple hello. Typical of me, I shrug him off. Not because I met him at a bus-stop, but I knew he was too handsome to be serious with a lady. Almost every lady at that bus stop got their eyes on him as he offered me a ride in his Toyota Corona but I just had to play hard ball, just to see how far he would go.

And he didn't disappoint me. He stalked me for days until he finally got my mobile number. Then the calls started rolling in, followed by the text messages. All through the conversation, he never implied he had any intention to take me to bed. It was just an illustration of pure love.

On our first date, he took me to Golden gate restaurant at Ikoyi. From the moment we walked in, he pulled every female in the restaurant like a magnet to us. A pang of jealousy gripped my heart and I had this fleeting thought of insecurity mixed with pride.

Here I am in a luxurious restaurant with a charming prince and all the ladies are gawking at him, green with envy as he held the seat out for me to sit, poured wine for me, even fed me the vegetable salad we ordered for.
Gosh! Is this how Cinderella felt?

Then as if he knew I needed more conviction to say yes to his proposal, he had to sweep me off my feet by ordering a florist to deliver me a bouquet of flowers every evening.

He would pay for a cab to come take me to work every morning and bring me back home in the evening. I was in heaven and soon got my close friends green with envy.

Meanwhile, Chris never gave me the impression that he wanted me in bed, neither did he kiss me for once. It was just me dying for his touch, for him to even say something like "I want you."

It was so painful watching him being so nice without having carnal thoughts about him. There was this time I was down and he had to leave work to come take me to the clinic. Then he wouldn't go home but spend the night at the clinic till I was discharged the following morning.

Now tell me, what lady wouldn't fall for such charm. Once he tried to kiss me after a date at the cinema. Though, I longed for it more than anything, I restrained, giving him my cheeks instead. If he was disappointed, he masked it very well. He just shrugged and bade me goodnight.

The calls didn't stop, neither did the shopping and other niceties. It was heaven on earth with him.

I decided to pay him a visit one evening with one mission in mind: get down with him.
As usual, he gave me a breathtaking reception, from the sumptuous fried rice and shrimps he prepared for me to the therapeutic massage he rendered to my shoulders.

As his hands massaged my shoulder blades, a warm feeling spread through my nerves, making me feel all jelly.
Then there was that magic moment when our eyes met, and all sanity was lost as we devoured each other with so much sexual frenzy.

That was the beginning of our sexual escapades. It was like we couldn't do without each other and soon, we became the latest couple in town.

A month later, Chris told me he was travelling to the East to see his parents. A week's stay turned to weeks' stay.
When he returned from the village, his countenance towards me changed drastically.

The usual excitement that accompanies our meeting became dry. He became distant and that got me really worried. I even entertained the thought that maybe I have offended him in any way.
To make matters worse, he would go on days without calling me. And when I finally call, his response was always nonchalant.

Everyone close to me noticed the signs that I was unhappy and tried to cheer me up but I won't have any of it. I was dying inside of me. I missed Chris, I missed all the attention and loving he gave to me. At nights I will sit up, reminiscing on the good times we spent. Once or twice, I was tempted to go to his place to ask him what I have done wrong but my dignity usually stopped me. I just can't let him see me as a weakling for his love.

Three weeks later, Chris showed up on my doorstep with a dozen bouquet of flowers, looking as charming as ever. He apologised for his past behaviour, blamed it on some quarrel he had with his parents.
As a lonely kitten who had missed her master terribly, I gingerly walked into his arms. And the lost love was found once again. But this time it didn't last long.

In a matter of days, Chris was back to his old self, cancelling our dates and giving me flimsy excuses.

I became dejected, I felt I was taken for a ride. I knew then that Chris was not that charming as he had initially presented himself. It was a terrible heartbreak because despite everything, I still love Chris. I still want to be held in his arms, watch him feed me, hang out anywhere with him, listen to those lovely words of love and devotion flow from his lips, make love with him all through the night till we are sated.
I wish I had the strength to confront him, to tell him how much I loved him, how willing I am to right any wrong I have ever done to him.
I was such a fool for love.

Then the call came, it was from my girlfriend telling me she just saw Chris kissing another lady in a supermarket. I didn't believe her. It was so shocking to be true. Was this the reason he had been acting strange to me lately?

I wish I had the guts to confront him but I couldn't. I knew it was better for me to ignore everything and face my future. I will lick my wounds and forge ahead.

As if that was not enough, I saw him with my two eyes kissing a lady at a bar we usually hang out. Why I even came to the bar, I can't really say, just my intuition driving me wild.

Watching the way he dazed the pretty woman in front of him with his charm, I couldn't take it anymore. All the anger I had harboured inside fought violently for a release. I walked towards them, strutting the "don't dare me" look.

If I was expecting any look of surprise from Chris, I was highly disappointed. Chris pretended like he hadn't met me before, giving me that blank look. Even had the audacity to ask me if he can help me.

Without much ado, I rained all manner of insults on him. There was no stopping me, I raved like a mad woman. Not until I was pushed away by the barman did I realise how I have disgraced myself. I cried all the way home. How I survived that night was a mystery.

The next day, he came to my office and warned me never to ever try what I did yesterday evening at the bar again. If my eyes were guns. I would have shot him repeatedly but I thanked my stars that I had recovered from his deceit and hurt. With dignity, I called the security guard to walk him out of my office with a strict order never to allow him in the premises again.

Here I am, gazing at Tony as he tried to win my heart again with his well-rehearsed words.
What do I do diary?


  1. Screw him blind and dump him 4 he does d same to u
    Bates Cosse, Ikeja

  2. Good article that I am sure should generate responses. I think you should ask men why they do these things to women..why they use women....good luck

     Please, accept the reality
    However, this is my opinion: 

    There is no permanent answer or answers to your dilemma. Be it Chris or Tony or Mr. X coming up on the horizon...Trust me, your men of your dream will come sooner or later
    Women behavior is so typical, and predictable that most will fall victim to men of Chris and the like because in most cases, "There is Chris in every man" just as women in most cases are victim of their own mental state to want and not need Chris.

    First, what women want is not what they need. Women want the caliber of Chris: Handsome and charming. Women lived the Cinderella syndrome. They forget Cinderella was in the books and fantasy. And that is where it stops...
    Second, women or shall I say most women are brought up to live in the world of make believe ,and attracted to material things such as, cars, Jewelry, and clothes. Of course, there is nothing wrong with these things but as they say in the golden rule, "Those with the gold call the tune."

    Watching TV programs, books, articles and yes, TV programs, all women seem to want are men with good jobs so that as you put it to "Green their friends" with them...
    They seek in abundant: Lawyers, doctors, bankers, judges, politicians...and you name it, to be their men. Yes, there is nothing wrong with men in these categories but women or girls refuse to see that every other woman wants the same men...then, it becomes a matter of supply and demand.

    These men with these characteristics are less in supply and the women that wanted then are in great demand by them (women)
    Fourth, most women were raised to live in fantasy world and the media make sure they promulgate that aspect of women to flock to such men any day.

    Although it will never happen, your problem will Chris or the potential similarities with Tony will continue to materialize as long as women act and see what they want and not what they need in the men they want. The ways they want them and not the men that they need that will do them good.

    Modern women will continue to experience these issues. Our parents suffered less of these because their expectations and reality were a lot different in their time. They loved for the sake of love and content with family, future and reality...
    No more true love anymore. Its all about money, good looks, position, youth, and lies and more lies. If truth be told, the women who are taken by these men also lied to themselves because in a way, they should have seen it coming. But they go for it anyway. They refused to see the light...They are greedy and short sighted, at best
    No more joint efforts to let love grow and be nourished. Yes, it would be nice to see a man who will "Do the right thing" by women's standard but with the environments in which the world operates, it will never happen. Period.

    Women will continue to seek the impossible dreams and will forever exploit it. The type of Chris will continue to take advantage of them...Women need to change and may be men will change too. But in reality, it would never happen because we are all condemned to repeat the past and the future to come.

    Our Chris knows what will make a sweet music in the ears of women and I am sure he will continue to play it, sing it..and I am sure more women will dance to it their Pluto of a mind.
    Good luck with Tony until the sweet candy is gone...I am sure it will sooner than later...
    Virginia, USA

  3. Thumbs up dear...Nice piece!!! I think all women will learn their lesson from this: "Not all that glitters is GOLD!!!"
    Entrepreneur, Lagos

  4. Cool. Well, I won't say sorry to u Vay cos I no u will fall for dat sh**t over n over again. Jus becareful nxt time

  5. Many years ago when I was still in the dating market, I was turned down by several beautiful women for the likes of Chris and Tony. Real princesses I was willing to die for. You can only imagine the anguish I feel when I come across some of them, still single all this while.

    One got married to some guy that shocked me to the bone, when you're in a relationship and can't introduce your guy confidently cuz friends and family are gona be like "huh? This playa???". But don't be surprised, a thousand more will fall for the likes of Chris, and another two thousand for the Tonys..

    Another whispered in a private moment that I should have pushed harder. "Mtscheww," I responded. Between the two of us we knew she worried to death about what her friends/family would say, I wasnt blinking full with the bling blings, not in my pocket, and definitely not in clothing.

    It's a tough call in our African environment, the buck always stops right with our young women and what they want from a man. People will gossip and make it their life's cross to try to figure out why a lady settles for a Chris or Tony. It even gets more interesting when you sit down to ponder over how simple the Creator made common this arrangement called 'attraction' and or 'love'

    Good job...


  6. "Gosh! Is this how Cinderella felt?" WOW, Vay Sylver you're soooo good for the words! This narration is awesome. The truth in it is chilling! Keep blowing up our minds, and if you get a chance to kiss that Chris boy, make sure you leave with him a "dark" mark, for him to remember for the rest of his playa's life! LOL!