Kemi just found out that her husband of three years had been cheating on her for a year now with his ex-girlfriend. She mistakenly stumbled on some text messages exchanged between them on his phone. She is furious and felt betrayed. Unable to keep the shock to herself, she attacked her husband as a way of confrontation. Calling him names and accusing him of betraying her trust in him. Instead of getting a repentant husband, she rather got an unremorseful husband, and this made her angrier. After all the time and energy she had invested in their marriage and her reward is cheating??? The shock of this sudden revelation got her festering with anger inside. It was still unbelievable that her husband would cheat on her after everything they had been through together. Each night as she lay beside him, she wondered how he could still sleep so soundly while she nurtures the hurt of his betrayal. It seems so unfair. He should be worried too. If he is not feeling bad about it, then she should make him pay one way or the other. The pain and anger inside of her is building up inside and she needed to vent it out somehow but don't know how.
The only way she feels she would be even with her husband is if she gives him a taste of his own pudding: cheat on him.
Mike is also entertaining the idea of cheating on his girlfriend whom he suspects is having a secret affair with her boss in the office. Though he hadn't caught them red-handed but her attitude towards him had changed. She no longer respect his opinions and was always with her boss; either on phone or in the office. The wonderful presents and tips her boss sent to her confirmed his worst fears that they are indeed having an affair.
Feeling hurt and used, Mike feels there was no need trying to work on the relationship, he will probably have an affair too to feel good.
Is this really a wise idea?
At first, it feels great to pay back cheating with cheating but the end product is what matters.
If you cheat on your cheating partner, you might feel good. He cheats, I cheat. It becomes a game or competition, who will surrender.
It will also give you an air of freedom. You feel empowered. Why should I be the one to condone his/her cheating. If they are not feeling remorseful about it, then I should do the same.
These are all wonderful momentary feelings
If by the end of the day, you don't get justification of the hurt you feel inside, then you are back to square one.
No one likes to be cheated on and we(women) are tired of hearing it's the man's world to cheat. Cheating is bad for relationships, and enough of the "it's a mistake" because we know it's actually a choice.
Learning how to deal with a cheating spouse is imperative if you want to have a long lasting relationship. Cheating back on your partner will only aggravate the matter and if the truth be told, there is no actual good feeling about it.
For you to overcome this problem, you might want to discuss it with your partner and let them know how you feel about it. If it's too unbearable for you to bear, let him give you time and space to think over it.
The next step is to make a decision, which is either to help your partner overcome it or to go your separate ways. I hope you choose the former. Relationships or marriages don't have to end in cheating. There should be room for second chance unless your partner is a total jerk.
Once you've made up your mind on what to do, then you have to make an agreement with your partner to help you make the relationship better by putting a stop to their affair. This will help the healing process better.
Cheating back on your partner doesn't make you powerful or in control. All you end up doing is getting more hurt. Instead of cheating back on your partner, look for ways to improve your relationship.
Learn to love and appreciate your partner if you have stopped doing that.
Think of romantic ways you can get him/her connected back to you. Go on a date or plan some get- together that will remind him/her of the good times you once shared.
Open up your communication lines. Learn to communicate with your partner at all times. This will help in rebuilding the lost trust.
Remember, forgiveness heals faster than resentment. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Never pay back with cheating. It will only hurt you more.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN